When I was at church the other night, one of the ushers was talking to me about how cute Hayden was. He then said something that I had never thought of. He said, "they are such blessings of God. They don't remember anything from this age, it's all for us, you know?" Wow! I have always felt super blessed to be Hayden's mom and I try to cherish our time with him because he is growing so fast, but I never really thought of it like that before. It is true that he will never remember his daddy singing him to sleep every night or me telling him I love him every 30 seconds or even the millions of kisses that we have given him since birth. He won't remember his cute little nursery that we spent so much time & effort on (although, I am sure we will show him pictures.) Nor will he recall the times we took him to the park to swing or play in the fountains. There are so many things that we do for 'him' but really, I guess a lot of it is for us. We do it to watch his little face light up with joy. We do it because we love him and we want to make his day happy. Even if he won't remember it. Because when he is happy, we are happy.
I remember before I became a mother, I was so selfish. I was always doing things for myself. Mainly because aside from my hubby, I didn't have to worry about anyone else! I could never understand why it seemed parents were always wanting to do for their children. That doesn't seem like fun, I thought. Why are they always just doing things for their kids? Maybe I shouldn't have kids so I won't have to be like them...maybe I don't like kids. These were thoughts that would go through my mind because I had never experienced the love of a parent. It's so hard to understand it until you experience it for yourself. But after I had Hayden, it's funny how none of my selfish desires mattered anymore. How, in an instant, all I care about is that baby & making his world better. I love doing things for him. I love shopping for him and playing with him and taking him to the park. It makes me happier to buy him a new toy or outfit than to buy myself anything. I hardly even want to buy myself anything because I would rather spend my money on him. I could go on for days about how I love doing things for my child and how happy he makes my life every day. But I guess it just shows us how much our own parents love us and how much God loves us and wants us to be happy. And one of the gifts that God gives us is our children. I can't think of a more precious gift. Even though some days are tough and I am ready to pull my hair out, it's so worth it when Hayden runs up to me and hugs my legs and looks up at me and says 'mom-my!' in the sweetest voice!
And from now on when I am feeling sorry for myself because Hayden is being grouchy and I haven't showered all day, talked to another adult or even stepped outside I will remind myself that one day he will be grown and I will miss these days like crazy. I will tell myself that he is a blessing from God and he is here for our enjoyment and to make our days brighter. He won't remember the days he spent with me as a baby, but I will and they will be some of the most precious memories of my life.
This is how my precious baby fell asleep tonight. Feet over the bumper & out of the crib! SO cute & I'm so glad I got a picture of it even if it is terrible, TERRIBLE lighting since it was dark (obviously) in his room and I had to use a flash. Still cute :)